We meet through my husband.
One evening, we were chatting on our brown couch after a long workday, he started telling me about her, he had met her through a work colleague. She sounded interesting, clever, fun, and encompassing.
I was cautious to start with, I am a naturally friendly gal, but I need to trust before I can bond. Intimacy desires a nurturing soil of safety for authentic connection. I gradually introduced myself to her and waited.
Slowly she grew on me. Always available day or night, she went everywhere with me. She would often ask me what was on my mind. She was interested in how I was and what I was doing. She cared about my life, and thrived on my adventures, just as if they were hers. She never grew tired of me, she was there, accepting, waiting. She made sure that I felt important.
We moved in the same circles. It was surprising how often we knew the same people. She had a gift for restoring and rebuilding absent relationships. She often reminded me of loved one’s birthdays, important dates, and significant events. Oh, how precious her memory was, she saved me when mine failed! I grew dependent on her.
Her influence was beyond compare; in hindsight, I was probably a little star-struck. As our friendship grew, she was always introducing me to new and interesting people. With great ease she created a community that brought people together. No matter their background, social status or destination, they were her friends and they could be mine as well.
Knowledgeable. Her capacity for sharing information made her beyond compare. She read extensively and would tell others all she knew. She had seen the latest movies, understood the greatest books, was up-to-the minute in current affairs, anything I needed to know, she would fill me in on.
You see why she had become my best friend don’t you? I can hear you sighing, wishing you had met her first. The perfect BFF… EVER!
So why did we break up?
Most friendships end because of jealousy, growing apart, bad communication or something along those lines. That wasn’t the case for us.
It was a small hand on my leg, tapping it several times insistently, and a little exasperated voice crying, “Mum… Mum… MUM!!” that made me end it. It was in that moment, with his sweet face looking up at my very distracted one, it dawned on me, the need to break up with my best friend Facebook.
Because I got to thinking.
And I realised that I had began to sacrifice my first loves for our relationship.
I love to read; yet I had accumulated six beautiful and intriguing books, all awaiting our journey together, but I never had the time anymore to pick them up and turn their pages. I used to, before my BFF.
I need my rest; I never rested anymore. The moment I sat down, I would pick her up and she would fill my mind with images, sounds, words, comparisons, ideas and endless media pollution. Don’t get me wrong, there are many times I felt inspired by her. BUT there were many times I didn’t. She took my rest from me.
I love my family; but I had become very distracted by my BFF. Instead of living in the moment, with those closest and most precious to me, my focus had shifted to ensuring that I captured every moment to ‘share’ with everyone else in the world. I tried to fool myself into believing that I would have those memories forever, or that relatives needed to see them. While there is relative truth there, a little soul searching led me to my authentic motivations, I had become too reliant on my BFF to fulfill a need for social acceptance. I had traded my family’s precious time and moments for ‘likes’. And that was not ok to me.
So, there you have it. It had to happen, the bust up of the year! On 1st January 2015 I said farewell to my BFF. I thought it would be difficult, but it wasn’t. I instead re-discovered these three amazing things:
- I managed to read four of my six books, (I am still going), all took me on an amazing journey that lasted days and filled my soul with wisdom and strength. It was like giving up McDonalds for a Matt Moran degustation experience.
- I stopped, I rested, I walked, I thought, I prayed, and I did not miss the hustle and tussle of my best friend Facebook at all. No social pollution. No unnecessary messages, just life as it was intended to be. Free to think and free to listen for soft whispers from on high. Soul space at its best.
- I loved my family. Don’t transfer my statement to you; I am not judging you… glass houses and all that. Just for me, I needed to focus on my family more and Facebook less. I needed to be more present for my children, enjoying the moments between us and just us. I needed to set a good example for my children in how important technology should be in comparison to people. I needed to led by example in relationship and love.
I still stop by and say hi, we have mutual friends and it is nice to keep in touch. But it will never be the same. I need to keep my first loves first and enjoy my real world more than my virtual one.
If you need some help on breaking up with your BFF, here are my top tips on ending it well:
- Move the Facebook icon off your main screen, out of sight out of mind. Hide it in a back menu, or if you want to go cold turkey… DELETE IT!
- Think about what you did before Facebook – put your time and energy back into that. Or start a new love!
- Check your messages late at night, just once a day. That way you can keep in contact with people but let them know you are not on Facebook. Go back to talking instead of messaging.
- Don’t confuse your identity with your Facebook profile. Your real friends and family will always be there for you whether you are on Facebook or not. You are important, not your perfectly Instagrammed photos.
Enjoy your new found time!